By: Arc
Level: 1
(1 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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I feel it’s all staged, a very expensive publicity stunt…It is really difficult to swallow everything wholly and accept this as a sad story that can happen to any one of us…This is Tiwa trying to steal Beyonce’s thunder (It is so obvious she has Beyonce complex) in the wake of Lemonade at least only in Nigeria…That joke has been made already-photos showing Tiwa’s album cover for Zobo are everywhere…Where to begin?
TJ IS DEPRESSED: I get it; being broke, watching your girl take the wheels, take care of you plus give you orders, children drama and all can make any grown man real miserable…Anyhoos, thousands of Nigerian men are struggling (especially this year 2016 under APC) and we don’t hear of suicide attempts daily (maybe they are unreported though)…Let’s break it down and show just how easy TJ has life…He’s got a house in a posh environment, he gets to have sex with Tiwa Savage (Succubus for lots of Nigerian boys dreams) maybe only when she allows him to but still right?…If she absolutely refuses him, he is the guy who can walk up to any strip club and pick up a girl willing to sleep with him for free even just so she can have what Tiwa is having…He had subscription for his phone or whatever device he used for his instagram abi twitter posts (That’s being broke?)…The mere fact that he had enough fuel in his car to make the trip to the bridge is enough to put a smile on any Nigerian man’s face…Africans are strong, our brain is wired to appreciate life more than anything, we are rarely suicidal…I hate to think that we have gone soft…Leonardo just showed us how man can cling on to life against all odds in his revenge driven rise from the dead in The Revenant…TJ couldn’t muster enough hate for Tiwa and desire to out-money her to be his drive for living?
THE SUICIDE ATTEMPT: Of the many ways to end your life- slit your wrist, consume a N30 naira card of paracetamol tablets with a bottle of coke, stab yourself, blow your brains out-Kurt Cobain style, overdose on cocaine etcetera. He had to go for jumping off a bridge; the most excruciating type of death- drowning, Nigga must really hate himself…Here’s the silly thing though, determined to end your life, why tell the entire country before you do it? Didn’t you do your research and know that suicide notes are the standard method of signing off? Conveniently two celebrities are your rescuers; conveniently they meet you on the road perhaps they were on their way to your house after your worrying rant…What are the odds that those two have to be those two… Mr. Banky-newly registered into the association of Nigerian Music Retirees and P trying to form a new identity…Publicity stunt? I’m allowed to think so, wouldn’t be surprised if Banky releases a passionate song later this year titled –“The Struggle”. They take you home, you relax, suicide attempt is over and rants seize…, Super cool….
THE INTERVIEW: As God would have it a robotic hyper boring journalist has been seeking for an interview with Tiwa and Tiwa gets an epiphany-“I’d grant her a tell all, only it wouldn’t be for her newspaper-in print; there would be TV coverage, so they can all see me cry with my carefully selected scarf that gives me the scorned woman look…” In the interview, an obvious Beyonce fan and a girl power activist herself (safe to infer-a feminist) is complaining about the fact that her husband didn’t bring in a dime to take care of her baby…What’s the point of girl power if you’d make all the money, take care of your own baby and then grieve that the man didn’t chip in? Shouldn’t a feminist be self sufficient (Don’t need a man and all that vibe), if he brings money-fine, if he doesn’t-cool…Tiwa leaves her idol Beyonce, feminist in chief and friend Chimamanda disappointed that TJ’s one naira means the world to her…
Tiwa snitches on her husband…”He’s sniffing coke…” Surprisingly till date haven’t heard anything from the agency that currently conducts road searches looking for young boys with marijuana on how they would apprehend this coke dealer…TJ can’t be a licensed coke user or sth lol…There should be a search warrant for his premises and if nothing is found at least he should lead them to his dealers (has to get it from somewhere)….
She also hints at where it’s all going to-reconciliation, they get back try to make it work and receive all the praise in the world from everybody…
OTHERS: Doc Sid was mentioned (wouldn’t you want to really listen to their song together, watch the video and see if there’s a hint of fuck buddies in there)…Jazzy (super increased interest in the record label, not like they need it much though)…Mr. Double face (someone on LIB pointed out that he hasn’t had a hit in a while, that’s for that…Wouldn’t be surprised if he’s on one of the tracks on her upcoming album)…Sub-Zero has taken advantage to gain relevance by doing a double take on the episode and telling us he has Tiwa’s direct contact…Uncle Charly awoke from his coffin to chip in…Robotic Journalist gets an exclusive story and herself is interviewed…Everyone’s exploiting, surely the not so funny star of 30 days in Atlanta has got next year’s theme for his Easter gig…Surely I am also guilty, enjoying myself typing away on my HP mini Lmao….It’s the life huh, Mr. West had to run mad for weeks but we didn’t see the method to his madness till his album topped the billboard charts…See?…Well this is in the spirit of wabidy-poetic license to compose nonsense…Their life our entertainment, their pain, our joy…
