Allow me introduce the BEST WORST NOLLYWOOD MOVIE of 2018. Knockout Blessing is so bad the entire crew and cast should be applauded for making it through the movie. Someone actually paid for its publicity? I paid two thousand naira to watch this, money so not well spent, I could liken it to paying a 30,000 gate fee to watch Terry G and African China perform. I have no clue where to start from, I wish I can un-see this retina-neuronic poison.
First, I had the distinguished honor of being the only one in the movie theater (Genesis Deluxe cinema) 10 minutes before the movie started. I should have seen this as a sign and bailed but my patriotic ass sat firm, “Everyone is going to watch cliche Aquaman and cannot recognize gold when they see it.” I said. I was almost certain more people would join in, 20 minutes into the movie, it became clear that I was enjoying VIP treatment, I bought out the entire movie theater and it wasn’t because I wanted to watch the “The Notebook” with my lover then propose. One man in the chill of the theater, the world gleefully reminding me just how lonely I was at the time. A pair of eyes left alone with tasteless popcorn and bad coke to witness Blessing’s sucker punch.
The movie borrowed The Hateful Eight’s format, split into chapters with each introduced with a chilly title.
Chapter 1; The Encounter: An urgent call to THE PRESIDENT (Matter of National Security) captured our attention (sorry my attention) and this remains the only thing this movie did right. Straight down the hill and into hell from here on. Prostitutes across the country should definitely boycott this movie for the abysmal way in which it portrayed them. This is 2018, Nigerian prostitutes have moved on from Omotola Jalade’s The Prostitute set up. The acting was outright STUPID. Linda Ejiofor is an excellent actress but her performance here is disgraceful. I would like to think the Producer-director-writer Dare Olatian asked her and the rest of the cast to KEEP IT REAL. I understand that well of passion, the use of pidgin, the effort to make a movie that is truly Nigerian. They pushed real too far, they kept it TOO REAL, it became UNREAL and distasteful.
Chapter 2; Blessing’s Story: Blessing is our Million dollar baby boxer trained by her grandfather. I am not familiar with the boxing clan in Nigeria and I am sure I speak for 95% of our country’s population. The only boxing we know is down to ear biting Tyson, money flaunting Mayweather and our brother Anthony. It is safe to say the story is not relatable and the attempt at culture showcase @ whatever was going on by the river was a huge unfunny joke.
Chapter 3, Dagogo’s Plan: Bad guy Dagogo shows us the theme Dare had been planning all along. A female gang (Dagogo’s Angels, Charlie you have really suffered) that lures men and knocks them out with Blessing’s super fist then robs them. Maybe if he had based the entire movie around this without other under tones, the movie would have been tolerable. Dagogo’s Angels would have been a big hit if spiced up with a lot of comedy.
Chapter 4, Diamonds Are Forever: Message to all Nollywood producers- “STOP TRYING TO MAKE WESTERN STORIES.” My God! The final chapter of this movie is actually the worst filming sequence I have paid to watch or seen on the big screen. Gowon playing the ruthless assassin, the horrible action sequence, the tracking chip on the briefcase, the President’s A team (whatever name they were called in the movie), the dramatic upload of the video file, the false prophet, the President knowing a goat and finally the IDIOTIC end of the movie.
I am not quite sure what the intention of this movie was. A very poorly made SATIRE. Nothing quite came off for this movie. If all producers tow your line Dare, Nollywood would die a slow and painful death.
IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THIS MOVIE, I BEG YOU DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT (I’D RATHER YOU WATCHED LAST MEN OF NEW JERUSALEM-A CLASSIC) AND IF YOU HAVE GOOD LUCK CLEANSING YOUR BRAIN CELLS
True artistry shall rise above mediocre!!!!!!