…THE VICIOUS CYCLE OF EXPECTATIONS…

By: Chukwu J.C

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The thing about EXPECTATIONS is that you place them on people you care about. Those very tiny gestures that prop us to walk with our shoulders high and crowns straightened. Those few words that add color to our days and help us sleep better at night. These tiny details make all the difference. I would say “expectations are like volumes of life notes shared to an audience, to look inward and read the volumes with their inner lights.”

They are birthed primarily because you don’t want to get hurt, so you try to teach people how to treat you. You mask your lectures with the face of expectations. The truth is, this never ever works. It never goes down the way you would expect. You know why? People who really care have no trouble reading your class notes with the faintest of  candle lights, in fact there wouldn’t even be a lot to read because they never missed Classes!. They act right even without you asking; which is well, all we expect.

So you see, you can’t teach people not to hurt you, they do that intentionally or unintentionally.

There is this part of expectations that breaks the table, the ride down the guilt trip road!

The “expectationee” makes you act crazy, turning it all against you and usually, in clown like fashion, it appears true. The expectationees can’t meet your expectations because of their own inadequacies, the fact that they don’t care (I mean why make an effort eh? Candle lights and classes, all that?); selfish reasons or they just don’t want to. Nevertheless, they can’t meet your expectations and you see that, but then you keep giving those masked lectures hoping they’d learn. Guess what? They never do and you appear crazy, the crazy teacher who goes on and on about trivial things.

The scary thing about expectations is you may begin to believe you are crazy. The expectationee tells you that time and time again, directly or indirectly and even goes on to justify that fact by providing you with evidence of your craze, evidence that isn’t even far fetched. So you try to logically peruse the evidence then you begin to doubt your own sanity. You begin to see yourself as the villain while the expectationee looks and plays the victim. Then you see yourself apologizing for expressing your feelings and stating how you should be treated. How you deserve to be treated. So you beg the expectationee to forgive you for being crazy, extra and expectant. You cry,  plead and the expectationee may or may not forgive you either way leaving you ashamed, low, depressed and angry at yourself.

The lasting effect of unmet expectations is that self awareness of how you should be treated may be hampered.

You may become confused or worse still, oblivious of how to maintain healthy human relations. So it happens again and again, the cycle continues and you lose a bit of yourself each time.

 

 Key words:

Expectationee : one who expectations are placed on.

Chukwu J. C.

5 Comments …THE VICIOUS CYCLE OF EXPECTATIONS…

  1. Nazzar

    Well thought, well written…but then again, selfish isn’t it? I mean, here’s one side of expectations. Given the topic, I for a reason would “expect” to hear about the two sides;’expectationee’ and ‘expectationer’..

    Reply
  2. Blessing Maduelosi

    Nice points made… Most times it’s hard to meet the expectations of others just as it’s hard for others to meet our expectations and that’s because life doesn’t have a specific scale to let us know at every stage what we should do… For me the best solution is to love, just treat everyone with love, that way even when expectations are not met we understand and try again

    Reply

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