Jonathan’s Good Luck Charm

By: Arc

Level: 3

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (3 votes, average: 4.00 out of 5)
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Many have described Nigeria as a jungle, a shit hole with raving mad wild animals. Who better then to tame its wild life than a Zoologist?

Dr. Goodluck Ebele Jonathan with his PhD in the scientific study of animals was a perfect fit for the role of our country’s Chief Zookeeper. Continue reading

THE REAL INVICTUS OBI STORY

By:  Arc

Level: 3

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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Obinwanne Okeke is NOT a CRIMINAL, I say this not only because I believe it but because he told me so. I have known Obi for donkey years now and have shared over a crate of beers with him. Exactly 2 years ago, Obi walked into my lounge and after our usual high spirited hug and greetings exchange, he collapsed into silence. Minutes passed then I questioned him and he said:

“Brah, ALL IS VANITY! I have all that should make a man happy, money, cars, toys and girls. I have CEO attached to my name and my company is not some start up. I am FORBES list featured. The clubbing, TED talks, airplanes and trips, it all gets tiring. I am not happy. I crave FREEDOM, I crave peace.” Continue reading

The Set Up, Movie Review: Flashy Claptrap

By: Arc

Level: 3

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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This MOVIE was totally UNBELIEVABLE, I mean that quite literally. It was a 100 percent UNBELIEVABLE….Not unbelievably good, just plain UNBELIEVABLE. See? If you read the word Unbelievable one more time eh…This is exactly what the movie gave us, an over flogged rhetoric mess. This movie should have been named PLOT TWIST, all the writers really wanted to do was twist the plot, over and over and over again till you remember that the entire movie is a lie. Niyi Akinmolayan and Inkblot productions must accept responsibility for this. Continue reading

…African Giant: The Flip Side…

By: Arc

Level: 3

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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Disclaimer: “I AM NOT A HATER, I AM ACTUALLY A BURNA BOY CRUSADER AND BELIEVE HE IS AMONG THE MUSICAL ELITE IN NIGERIA, AN ELITE LIST OF MINE THAT FEATURES DAREY, NNEKA, ASA, FELA, 2 FACE etc….”

I am just a disappointed fan, Burna Boy is a HUGE music talent and when I saw a NEW album- African Giant, I did a double back flip (In my mind though). This is the season of good music, not since D’banj has the musical gods smiled this hard on African music. Brown Skin Girl and the entire rave then this (Never mind whatever O.B.O is doing, yep, on that one I agree, I am a hater, promoted noise that one). Continue reading

…Festus Okotie Eboh: Nigeria’s First I.T.T…

By: Arc

Level: 3

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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Forbes list was first published in March 1987, if this compilation was done in the year of 1965 it would probably have featured Chief Festus Okotie Eboh

“….He was as rich if not richer than Dantata (1955’s wealthiest in West Africa) who owned 40% of the groundnut pyramids in Kanu and was wealthier than Ojukwu father and the Orizus.”

No reference to Dangotes, Otedolas or Elumelus, the guards have changed in recent years yet we must turn our gaze to Nigeria’s FIRST truly POWERFUL man. Continue reading

…Coming From Insanity…

By: Arc

Level: 3

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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In a sane society this insane movie should attract the largest crowd at movie theatres. The story is so great but sadly as all great Nollywood classics go, Coming from Insanity went unnoticed and struggled to get viewership among “mediocre” STORIES

  • Aladdin (a sad cartoon remake; Hollywood is truly done, no more stories, they are only out to ruin our Disney childhood)
  • Anna (a silly reboot of LUCY/ATOMIC BLONDE/SPARROW, not since SALT have they got a female spy themed movie right, how much we miss Angelina Jolie)

Continue reading

…Anita…

By: Arc

Level: 3

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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“What’s the name?

“Anita, what do you want?”

Clearly this was a case of young-man-state-your-business

“How much would it cost to take you home with me?”

“I don’t go to people’s houses; you would have to lodge in a hotel.”

“Interesting, so how much?”

“Twenty Thousand.”

My jaw dropped; did she want me to price? Did she hike the price because my moon walker boots gave me the works-on-the-rig look? If all clients paid twenty, surely she shouldn’t be standing on the streets Continue reading

…Let’s See…

By: Chioma Ibegbunam

Level: 1

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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How do you feel when you break my face like a toy you once lost as a child?
How do you zoom into my body with your fist,
Heaving like you just won the only battle you fight everyday?
Your victory is to forget your father
So you wear him on my skin like someone you vowed to love but can’t stop hating.

Continue reading

…Mokalik…

By: Arc

Level: 3

1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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Directed By: Kunle Afolayan

“It’s a Yoruba Movie oh” The warning I got from the lady handing me my movie ticket

“I know! It has subtitles right?” Like I was going to let anything stop me from seeing the highly anticipated Kunle Afolayan (Best director/producer; RE: The Best Thing @ NazRev) movie. The show times for the movie (11:10am and 7:30pm) told me all I needed to know, another thought out Nigerian movie sidelined for the likes of Godzilla and Dark Phoenix. The dream of having sold out auditoriums for “our good movies” not just the comedies remains laughable. I really don’t know where the problem lies, movies are failing at promotion & publicity or Hollywood infiltrates wouldn’t give us a chance. Perhaps movie release dates should be targeted very far away from Global blockbusters so that movie goers have no choice (Captive audience). The AGN should look into this; maybe an imposed Cinema Quota system would help. Continue reading